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“If you choose to (continue that behavior), you choose to (receive whatever consequence has already been established as a punishment)”.You might say, “Erin, if you choose to poke your sister again, you choose to not watch TV for the rest of the day”.
Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.This clearly communicates the expectation and the consequence, without a threat.Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose.When I think about all of the phrases, anecdotes, and sayings about the power of the spoken word I am reminded of how I changed my way of communicating with children upon learning Play Therapy principles.I realize that using Play Therapy based language is a learned and practiced skill that requires time and effort, so I thought it would be helpful to share ten commonly used phrases parents say to their kids.Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened.
Second, it ignores your responsibility to deal with the issue at hand and passes it to someone else.
By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it.
Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound.
” This gives the child respect and responsibility for their actions.
I can’t tell you the number of times I hear that phrase when around other parents, even though it is highly ineffective.
So, you can say “Walk, please” instead of “No running”. Children are programmed to question, analyze and wonder about situations.