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"Daydreaming happens because all the other things make you start to feel hopeless," said the 30-year-old mediator."You begin to think what would life be like if you weren't together.
For example, if one or both partners refuse to put in the effort to save the marriage, it'll never get fixed."People will come to me and say, 'My husband changed accounts.He's moving money.' That's a sign to me that he's already ready to get out of the marriage and move onto the divorce stage."According to Puhn, this is the most serious sign of all because daydreaming often happens right before the divorce.Infidelity is an enormous hurdle for a marriage to overcome, but just ending the affair is not enough, says Kaye.For a marriage to fully get past adultery, the unfaithful half of the couple cannot maintain a "friendship" with the former lover."It's the about the same topic over and over again," she said.
"You are arguing over the same issue and it increases in frequency. It doesn't go anywhere." Puhn says at the bottom of this and most relationship problems is communication.
After the kind of affair a couple can recover from, "there are regrets, apologies, and a promise to put an end to it and seek counseling." Not so with the serial cheater: that's a problem you can't fix, and likely spells the end of your marriage.
There are many areas of compromise in a marriage, such as who is responsible for dealing with the finances, where you should spend the holidays, or how to handle family issues.
"It's all about knowing good communication skills and how to resolve conflicts.
My research shows that 69 percent of divorcing couples have reported unresolved arguments which lead to feelings of hopelessness."Less face-to-face time, when it is intentional on one or both spouses parts, is strong indicator that a marriage is in jeopardy.
"Marriages that reach this place are toxic—you're no longer civil, and all discourse is either attacking or defending."It may sound hokey, but it's true: In healthily humming-along marriages, both partners work as a team on everything from parenting to running the household to supporting each other in career and personal ambitions.