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is an under-graduate, studying theology and law at the University of Auckland.

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Harris’ book, and the many others like it in the ’90s and early 2000s, were written in reaction to society’s increasingly casual approach to love, sex and relationships—all of which are, by their nature, not meant to be casual.Andrew Swafford makes the point that one way or another, the friendship is going to change as life goes on.“Either you’ll eventually marry this girl, or you’ll find your calling elsewhere,” Swafford writes (in which case, given the underlying attraction, it probably won’t be appropriate to stay as close to this her as you currently are). Sure, for better or worse, letting a girl know how you feel is going to change the friendship. Either this girl reciprocates your feelings (*fist bump*), in which case, let the dating begin!Or she doesn’t, and that’s rough, but at least now there is clarity in the relationship.Too often, I think this area of our lives is defined by indecision.I did a year of missionary work after high school and was intentionally single throughout.

But what I’m getting at is that periods of singlehood should be defined by purpose, not by indecision.

If you think you’re called to get married, and you’re old enough that it’s no longer out of the question, then why aren’t you dating?

Discerning marriage isn’t theoretical—you discern marriage with a particular person.

For many of us, our first encounter with this idea was reading Joshua Harris’ book I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

Each represents a woman that the groom dated and gave a piece of his heart to, before he had meet his bride.

Finally, it’s a problem that’s disappointing many of the young Christian women in our lives. My father has many memories of giving the cute girl from youth group a ride home on the handlebars of his bicycle, while my grandfather had something of a reputation for dancing with all the eligible young ladies at Christian fundraisers.