Top ten online dating questions
As a coach I listen a lot more than I talk, it’s the nature of what I do.
The examples below are intended to stimulate your own ideas rather than as rules. Why: Is the person about to make any major life changes e.g., leave their $200K/year job to go back to school? Do they see it as a job, a vocation, or are they primarily motivated by climbing the career ladder? Key goals of a first date are to (a) see if you have a connection, and (b) find out if you and your date have any major areas of incompatibility. Why: Does the person have strong feelings or are they more easygoing and with milder feelings. We’re wired so that once we start to develop an emotional attachment this is hard to break away from. Why: Different vacation preferences or amounts of vacation time can be a major source of ongoing incompatibility. Why: This question helps establish if your date has a positive or negative attitude? Why: Helps you find out the person's preferences and also helps you establish if the person has any free time or if they're a workaholic. If you try to be too careful with what you say, this is likely to backfire. Why: Whatever you're really passionate about, do they respect it? If you jump to an assumption that they have the same politics as you, they might feel too awkward to say that their politics are different. To take some of the pressure off during first dates, remind yourself: (a) that you each have 50% of the responsibility for how the conversation flows, and (b) you can only control how someone reacts to you to a limited extent.Find out early if there are reasons that “making it work” will be fraught. Select a few of these questions rather than attempt to ask them all on the same first date! For example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard two weeks vacation time. If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining you'll know the person sees the glass as half empty. Why: When you enter a relationship with someone you’re also entering a relationship with their friends. Why: If one of you doesn't like pets and the other has 3 dogs, that's likely to be a problem.
Also, if anything out of the ordinary has happened that might be affecting your date’s mood, it’s good to factor this in. Also, it’s nice to give your date an opportunity to answer a question that isn't directly about them.
They fear they aren’t interesting and will bore their date, hence make a fool of themselves. But let me tell you something: it’s just thoughts, and your thoughts aren’t facts.
The fear is real, I get that, I’ve felt it many times!
Why: You likely have a preference one way or the other. However it's good to know what you're getting yourself in for before you start to get attached to someone.
Why: Do they spend a lot of money or time collecting something? The answers to the above questions aren't necessarily deal breakers.
Pick one thing on his profile and make fun of him for it.