Become friends before dating
Not only were we good friends, but our families were also extremely close and had been for years.When we broke up nine months later, all the usual post-breakup awkwardness and bitterness were multiplied tenfold by the fact that we were forced to hang out whenever our families got together, which was often.
Kelly: We were good ol’ fashion friends from the fall of 2010 to the fall of 2011. Then we were friends with benefits until I moved to Seattle, and then back to just friends until October of 2013.Ashley: We met in a college class and slowly became friends.He made me laugh a lot, but I was very suspicious of him. And he was a white boy with a slight country accent who drove a pick-up truck.We don’t just like each other, we also like A LOT of the same stuff.And we introduce each other to new things all the time.But it quickly felt natural and right after all that talking and sharing.
Kelly: I believe we handled the evolution of our relationship very consciously.
It was a great time of getting to know each other in a low-pressure environment, surrounded by our closest friends.
Because relationships are all so different, there are no hard and fast rules, but when asked I always suggest a period of friendship of at least three months before you decide to take the next steps into a dating relationship.
He asked if anybody wanted to go four-wheeling, and I said I did. Kelly: She didn’t really know it was supposed to be a date. Ashley: I’m bisexual, and if this were true, I wouldn’t have any friends. And I have been attracted to most of them at some point or another, just not in a way that I could or wanted to sustain. Kelly: I think that viewing relationships as an inevitable thing that happens between two people who are attracted to each other takes away from the emotional vulnerability, and work, that goes into building strong commitments.
Ashley: The second time around, after he’d lived in Seattle, he just showed up on my doorstep and kissed me. Also, it really doesn’t say much for platonic friendship if you can only be friends with people you aren’t attracted to.
After a year in Seattle he came back to Indiana to visit, and we decided to try and date for real. Ashley: We talked so much about every decision and all of our feelings so that even when it felt weird, it quickly went back to not feeling weird.