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The pastor lectured John that what he felt was not love, but an unhealthy lust that would destroy him and his family. I had no doubt that John deeply loved Sheila with a kind of love that involves a concentration of feelings most types of love cannot touch. For example, your pastor knows that in his Bible the kind of love called agape differs from liking or friendship love. I gently told him that before he made himself too comfortable, he needed to hear the rest of what I wished to share.

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Well before either of you openly professed love for the other, you both knew what the other felt.“You’ve already reordered some of your priorities for her.For example, to please her have you changed the way you dress, your mannerisms, or maybe even some of your habits?I don’t doubt you love her, John, but I urge you to think about where that love leads.” Before leading John through considering his future, I guided him through his recent past, starting before he and Sheila connected emotionally. Instead, I told it to him, though I had not heard it from anyone.It was not an effort to impress him, but to demonstrate to him how deeply I understood him. She’s told me everything.” He looked away, apparently visualizing Sheila.

John admitted his feelings for her and his intention to divorce his wife and marry her. He figured I would take the same approach as his pastor and others who defined love in a way that denied the authenticity of his intense emotions.

Nor did either of you entertain the idea that by your deepening desire to be with each other you violated your marriage vows to Melinda. Next came kissing which finally progressed to full physical expression of your emotions. It reached its peak when you became sexually intimate. Sure, I might miss something here or there because every situation is a little different, but I’ll get most of it right.” He was not enthusiastic about hearing my predictions, but realized it would be irrational to refuse.

You each believed strongly that both of you were good people who had no wish to do anything wrong. Before you left each other after that first time, you wept and prayed together, asking God to forgive you and help you not sin again. “Now neither you nor Sheila feels a need to ask God to forgive. “John, if you divorce Melinda and marry Sheila, the odds are better than 8 out of 10 that you and Sheila will divorce. Allow me to explain what you have before I predict where you will wind up. I’m in love.” I reassured him, “I have no doubt it’s real, John.

I probably missed something here or there, but I got the main parts right, didn’t I? Because your emotions exist at a level beyond anything you’ve previously experienced, you believe them to be extraordinary – nearly magical. And I don’t blame you for not wanting to let them go. So much that some things in your life don’t get the attention they need.” He began to debate, “No. You’re wrong about that.” “John, think about your children. You’re not a guy who does some rote work for 8 hours a day and goes home.

You cherish those feelings so dearly that you want to do whatever it takes to maintain them. However, no matter what you do, what you feel now isn’t going to last. Honestly, do you spend as much time with them as you used to? Your job requires you to think, be creative, and plan.

“As your relationship deepened, you began to hide the amount of time you spent together, the increasing numbers calls or texts, and the escalating emotions you felt for each other.